


Drunk John

by Tristin



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Sober!Sherlock, drunk!John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 06:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1255699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tristin/pseuds/Tristin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A texting session between a drunk John and sober Sherlock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunk John

**Author's Note:**

> This is a chat I had with a stranger on omegle; if you know or are the stranger and would like credit let me know.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like johnlock.

You: SHERLOCKKKKKK -JW

Stranger: John? SH

You: SHHERLY SHERL YSHEYLOCK -JW

Stranger: You’re inebriated, aren’t you. SH

You: INBER TWAITED WHAT -JW

You: WHY AM I SHOUTINGV? -JW

Stranger: I don’t know. SH

You: HOW D YO I TRUN CAPS LOCK OFFF? -JW

Stranger: …Come home, you idiot. SH

You: WHAT STREET AM I ON -JW

Stranger: How would I know? SH

You: YOURE SHERLCOK HOMLES YOU KNOW EVERYTHING APART FGROM THE SOLAOR SYSTEM -JW

Stranger: …first time anyone’s spelt my name /that/ badly. You’re on Edward street, John. Get a cab. SH

You: CPAB? I HAVBENT SEEN ONE NOR DO I TRUSDT THWEM -WH

You: i have founds the button’ -jw

Stranger: Thank the lord. SH

Stranger: Then walk. It isn’t far. Three blocks. You might have sobered up by the time you get back here. SH

You: how to i know which way to goo? -jw

You: i seem to have losrt my shows hserlfocvk -jw

Stranger: Your shoes? Things that go on your feet? SH

You: thatd be them -jwh

Stranger: Where are your ‘friends’? SH

You: at a bagel barf i thnink -jhe

Stranger: And you, presumably, are not. SH

You: noo i amn on edwsard street -hw

Stranger: Come home. You don’t even know your own name anymore. SH

You: i azm john hanish watsono -jw (haha gott it)

Stranger: Impressive. Bend down and tie your shoelaces without throwing up or falling over. SH

You: i TOLDD YOU i dont havbe my shojes i semm to have lsot them -jw

Stranger: Oh, Christ. What do you want me to do about the fact you’re lost, drunk and shoeless? SH

You: IM NOT LOST i am in edwardx stret -jw

You: cazn you come pick me up -jw

Stranger: Yes, and do you have any idea where edward street is? SH

You: edward steerrt is wrhee it isd ahaaa -jw

Stranger: Mmm. Thought so. SH

Stranger: Mycroft sent a car. SH

You: eww myscroftt is mean and has a stink fsace =jw

Stranger: Yes, I agree. But he also has a car, and knows where you are. I lied about Edward Street. SH

You: what about edwaed street? you liekd?? how could you! -jw

You: SHERLOCK SOME CAR ISD FOLLWOSING ME- JW

Stranger: Yes, it’s mycroft. Get in it. SH

You: he says i need ckothesz? whats is he taklguin aboust -hw

Stranger: Please tell me you’re not naked. SH

You: i dontf think so -jw]

Stranger: Do you even remember what naked means, John? SH

You: YESS I MNAY NOT BE AS CLEVER AS YOU SHERLY BUT I KNOW THNIGGS-JE

Stranger: Ok, john. Get in the car before I have Lestrade arrest you for public indecency. SH

You: im not nakedd appartently he was tlakign abno ut hte smell -jw

You: grweg is at the bagel bar bozo -hw

Stranger: Oh, no, now there’s two of you. SH

Stranger: And what do you mean, the smell? SH

You: two of me? waht aree you tlaking about. idk i showered tofsday-hw

Stranger: Ugh. Tell Mycroft you can’t come in until you’ve showered, or he’s drowned you in the Thames. SH

Stranger: I have barricaded the door. SH

You: hes reading over my shouldeerfthe girt -jw

Stranger: Ah. Mycroft, I mean it. I /will/ shoot him. SH

You: No you won’t, Sherlock. Don’t be so dramatic. I’ll have him home in an hour fully clothed and smelling fresh, but from the state of him I’d say he’s already taken a swim in the Thames. -MH

Stranger: Wonderful. Really, I can barely contain my excitement. SH

You: Your snark is not appreciated, Sherly. -MH

Stranger: Neither is yours, Mike. SH

You: On second thought, it’s not that far of a walk for a former soldier. He could do with a bit of exercise. -MH

Stranger: I am 100% sure he’s either drooling on your shoulder or informing you he’s been abducted by aliens. Which is it? SH

You: Neither. He’s throwing bits of paper at my driver. Why did you allow him out of the flat, Sherlock. You know he can’t handle his liquor like his sister can. -MH

Stranger: Apologise to him for me. SH

Stranger: And I didn’t ‘let’ him, Mycroft. He went. SH

Stranger: And that’s a low blow, even for you. SH

You: Apologizing would imply that I care, which I don’t. John obviously told you he was leaving to go pubbing; you should have stopped him. Again, I don’t care. -MH

You: Oh. Now he’s trying to climb out of the window. -MH

Stranger: He was a soldier, he could have knocked me flat. sh

Stranger: Please don’t let him. SH

You: Why not? He tried throwing things at /me/ too. -MH

Stranger: He’s completely inebriated. Throw something back, I dare you. SH

You: That sounds like something a child would say. -MH

You: sshherlock. yotuer brothers a twa -jh

Stranger has disconnected.


End file.
